I've come to the conclusion that I am a sucker.

I'm having some very serious self-esteem issues today. My soon to be ex and I were having a conversation about the end of our relationship, and he kept saying how amazing and wonderful I am. blah blah blah His friends think I'm cool, my friends think I'm cool, blah blah blah

My question is, if I'm so amazing and sexy and wonderful, then why didn't the one person I wanted to treat me that way, not treat me as if I were indeed amazing? I am such a sucker. I don't know how not to love with everything I am. I give until I turn inside out, and the problem is, and I'm just now realizing it, is that I give without expecting the same in return. I've set very low standards for myself when it comes to expecting a return on my emotional investment. Why did he let my heart wither up from lack of care? Why did he only start showing that he cared when I said I was leaving? He tells me that he can't answer the "why" questions. Too bad. Those are the ones I most need answered.

I hope I get it right next time. I am absolutely aching inside and crying on the outside right now for want of that true, deep return of love. I guess I figured if I gave love out full on that it would be returned in kind.

What a sucker I am.